I have a really good friend of mine who has been going through substance abuse issues for the twelve years that I’ve known him. It’s been one drama after another: between homelessness, fights, hospital visits, jail, several rehabs and conversations where I can’t even understand what he’s saying to me because he’s so drunk. It’s painful for me to watch. I’ve offered help many, many times with Reiki or some other modality that I know. Every once in a while, he’s taken me up on it but more often than not, he’s declined, saying he’s fine. It’s obvious he’s not but I can’t force help on him, right?

I have this problem where it pains me to watch my friend go through these problems. If only I could help him somehow, he would be so much better, isn’t that true?

It’s even more difficult for me as someone who considers herself a healer. It’s one of the things I feel a deep connection to and I’ve seen it do wonders for people.

It finally clicked as I watch my friend go through another rehab. Everything I learned in Reiki, Shamballa and all the other healing modalities doesn’t matter - the help is only good if the person who needs it wants it. They themselves do the healing – you are only the conduit. The only way his healing could occur is if my friend initiated and wanted it himself.

I intellectually understand this concept but when my friend was suffering, hurting, becoming someone I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t comprehend this concept. I offered help but realized I offered with conditions. If only he would do this, if only he would do that, no I wouldn’t give him money to do this, etc.

I had to step back and ask myself, as one soul to another, would imposing my will, my idea that my help could somehow change him, would that really do it?

Nope. I am not that powerful.

His will was what was going to do it. Once he got to the point that realized he was about to be homeless again, jobless, lose everything, his health was about to collapse, he said to me, “I’m going to rehab.” I hope this time will be different. And so far, 60 days later, it seems to be.

I should thank him because the experience taught me a powerful lesson. As a healer, it is not my place to impose my will on anyone, no matter what my relationship is with them. Who am I to mess with their karma? Who am I to stand in the way of what their path is? There are some situations where there needs to be an intervention but most of the time, it’s not my place to step in the way.

As a healer yourself, because whether or not you realize it, just by being you, you are a healer, you must decide when someone comes to you if they are asking for help or just venting. Maybe it’s as simple as asking whether or not they need help. Give them the opening to come forward and give them the choice to say no.

Your role as a healer is to create the healing when it is asked for, not when you think it is needed. Offering a kind word or a shoulder to cry on is wonderful but don’t judge if it doesn’t go any further than that.
Take a look at the people in your life – are you trying to heal them when they’ve not asked you to apply? Yes, you are right, it would be better for them to get on the path but if you force them on it, they won't stay there. And what will that do for your relationship and their self-esteem when they can't finish what you started?

If you take a step back, you may see the relationship change because you’re being open to the person, not trying to make the do something they don’t want to do.

Use that healing energy on yourself – place the effort within. The more you create healing and love within yourself, the more you’ll see it in others. You’ll be a better healer when those who need you do ask for help.

Copyright 2009, Spiritualitygirl