I can tell the planets are intense right now because my thoughts have been very interesting lately. Usually, when I drive into work, I take that time during my (at least) 30 minute commute to think. I review situations and thoughts as I begin my day.
Today’s thoughts were all around things that went wrong with people in my life. It was thoughts around people from my teenager years, into college, divorce, work, all kinds of conflict and disappointment. Stuff that I hadn’t thought about in years and then some I had recently experienced. Needless to say, when I walked into work, I was a bundle of mess.
I thought about all my time on earth and how I feel like I’ve been let down by people in my life. It was actually a really depressing, bummed out exercise for me to go through. I went through this life of people that just pissed me off and started to get angry and hurt. "I’m a good person - why the hell did I get treated/taken advantage of/disappointed like that!"
I tried to pull myself out of it. I tried to think of happy thoughts, etc and I wasn’t working. I was in a FUNK and I was mad. I did all to myself, mind you, but nonetheless, I was there.
I got to the point where a good friend and I were talking through email. We were discussing movie relationships and we got to speaking about the relationship between Ace Rothstein (Robert Deniro) and Ginger (Sharon Stone) in the movie Casino. He had taken a chance on marrying the Vegas gambler Ginger, only to have his heart broken because of lies, theft and addiction. I said to my friend, "This is really depressing. People just disappoint you - they do stupid stuff, they turn out to not be who they say they are...it’s awful. I don’t want to be one of those people. I’ve been let down too much in my life. I’m ready to cry." And I was ready to bawl.
Then my phone rang....and it was my friend. He is going through his own rough time but he started making jokes and making me laugh. We have this weird sense of humor having known each other for almost 20 years and I get the stupid jokes and memories from years ago. I couldn’t help but laugh at some of the things he said to me.
For example, he reminded me of the time he brought in a water cooler jug full of quarters into the place he worked to cash them in and before he could get it to the counter, it shattered all over the lobby. "Money, everywhere....Great job, buddy." Laughing helped me feel better.
Funny thing, once I started laughing, I started to be grateful for what I have. In that moment, I was grateful for him because he knew I needed him. He didn’t let me down.
"You’re going to be okay?" he said.
"Yeah, thanks, my friend."
And off he went back to work.
Things, feelings, situations are only temporary - and regret is not an emotion that does anything but make you sad. I have to move myself out of the way of the moment and experience the whole picture - what about the joys I had in my life?
When my friend called, I wasn’t let down in that moment. He knew I needed him and made a 10 minute phone call to me. It took just a few moments to lift me out of the sadness I was feeling. No cost, no drama - just laughter over good memories.
Just because I’ve had letdowns in my life (oh, and dished them out, I know that too), that doesn’t mean I’m always going to be let down. People are human and forgiveness and laughter goes a long way.
Copyright 2009, Spiritualitygirl
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