The Thin Line

Posted by Mary D'Alba on Tuesday, June 1, 2010 Under: Articles
There are all kinds of people in the world and in our lives. And sometimes, there are people in our lives that we cannot stand. Why would we subject ourselves to that? There are times we have no choice.
Here’s an example.
Your best friend Madonna, someone that you have loved and cared about for years, has chosen to be with someone that you absolutely cannot stand. Let’s say his name is Guy. Guy does things to you that aggravate you, he doesn’t treat Madonna well but because you don’t want to lose the friendship, you feel you have to bite your tongue.
Now there is a conflict within you – do you tell Madonna how you feel about Guy? Do you severe the friendship, thus avoiding time with Guy? Do you continue to keep silent about the things that bother you – all the while thinking about how you can cause Guy to go away without legal charges or bad karma coming your way?
And all the while these ideas are swimming around in your head, you have a choice. Ask yourself the question “does my hate for Guy override my love for Madonna?’
You have to decide whether the hate you feel for one person is more important than the love you have for the other.
Now, don’t get me wrong, if there is something extremely serious happening, you have to step in, no questions asked. But what if the person is just an irritant? He or she isn’t the person you would like for your friend but your friend made the choice. So what do you do?
I have been here before; I have been to the point where I have to make that decision. I also must be honest – the thing to do is to choose love for your best friend – and there have been times the hate has taken me over.
And when hate wins, I have regretted it. Hate festers, it angers, it feels bad, and it’s not a place to stay in for a long time because it will consume you with those negative feelings. It’s not worth it to upset yourself. At the very least, find a way to release those feelings (scream, yell, cry, whatever release you need) and be neutral.
Because you have to remember, this person – the person you love, value and cherish – has roots. Imagine them as a tree – they have roots in the ground. And one of these roots is the person you cannot stand. So in trying to pull out that one irritating, infuriating root, you’ve managed to now pull out all the roots, including the strong foundation you had with your friend.
Even though you have replanted it, it will never be the same. Coming to peace and growth to where you were is not easy and may take years again so why go there?
I’m not saying to take abuse or insults because you have control over what happens to you. But you also have some control over whether love or hate is going to overtake you.
Let’s play this out a bit more. Say your friend and you part ways and a few months down the road, your friend needs you because she is having a terrible time and needs a sympathetic ear and hug. What if you’re not speaking? Would you want to not be there if you are needed?
A thought in a situation like this to is to keep telling your friend how great they are, how you value your friendship, how amazing they do x,y and z. Be positive to that person and keep holding that safe space for the friendship because remember, she may need you as time moves on.
You can't control what choices people make. You can only support and love them as they walk (or crawl) down their path. It is their path to do so and you must honor that.
So remember, when faced with a situation like this ask yourself “do I choose love or hate?” The choice is obvious, isn’t it?
~Copyright 2010, Mary D'Alba (Spiritualitygirl)~

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