musings-of-mary

Fueling My Fire With Words

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 13:04:22 +0100

With 2013 here, I am working on doing things in my life differently. No resolutions, just making improvements that I think need to be made.

One of my improvements is to be more careful of my words. I speaks before I think. I like to blame in on the Sagittarius in me - we're known to be blunt. However, that doesn't mean it has to stay that way, though it would be much easier to keep it and blame it on my astrological sign.

It's funny how when you make a decision, a situation will come your way that will test that choice. The other night, I spent time with a person that isn't one of my favorite people. I work on be friendly and polite but usually, after I see them, there is a litany of words spoken about them. I take that time to vent so I can get it out of my system.

Now, with this new improvement I'm working towards, I notice that I have to shift my thoughts and words by being conscious of what I'm thinking and saying. This is new for me, again, usually I just release whatever want to come out of my mouth. However, because I am more aware, I found myself literally biting my tongue the other night. It's not so easy to hold back the words, especially when I feel like I should have the right to vent.

These "venting" or "fighting words" are like gasoline to a fire. The fire is how I am feeling about the person and every time I talk about them with negativity, vengeance, anger or other "fighting words", I am adding fuel to the fire of disdain and making it bigger.

However, if I use words to cool off the negativity, in other words, I say something like, "That's the way this person is, I am working on how I react to them, that's all that matters.", the fire cools. It's like throwing water on a fire, it puts it out.

We all carry those little fires in us that make our peace and tranquility fade away. It burns away at our loving and strong energy, creating holes and scars so we are not quite whole.

I'm not saying I'm not going to stand up for myself or keep things in that need to be said. The difference is that words are a valuable and powerful commodity and I need to use them that way. Do I need to use "fighting words" to talk about the person? Do I need to expend any energy? Probably not. By not doing so, I actually feel like I've kept my energy intact and no one can rattle my peace.

Next time I think about talking negatively about someone, I will think before I speak. Words don't need to add fuel to the that fire. I much rather put it out and use my tranquility and power to navigate me into a stronger and calmer place.

What do you think about talking about people in a negative or positive way? Drop me a line at mary@spiritualitygirl.com.

Morning Pages Realizations

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 13:02:29 +0100

I have been looking for ways to be inspired and make changes in 2013. One of the things that came up as a way to tap into inspiration was working through the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. It's a book to help unleash creativity and since I have felt blah in that realm, I have been working the book with some friends.

Once of the suggestions of the book is to write "Morning Pages". It says to get up in the morning, grab your coffee or tea and do a mind dump of writing for three pages. No editing, no judgment, just let it pour out. Even if you start writing "I have nothing to say", just write.

When I first started doing them, I have to confess I thought they were silly. I was babbling about things - not really taking any direction. However, one day very early on, I was starting my second page and I wrote, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."

Where did that come from? I thought to myself. I kept writing and it became clear to me where it came from. An old habit/pattern was rearing its ugly head and I finally was getting to the bottom of where it originated and how it got triggered again.

I realized the Morning Pages helped me tap into the space I didn't have time to analyze during my day-to-day life. It was an opportunity for my mind to reveal things and say "Look at this!! Examine that!! See how that works!!" I could review those things that I wanted to fix and even get to the root of why it was happening. It's inspired me to get my health back on track and make changes that I've been afraid to work on for years. I never thought it was fear but doing the Morning Pages pointed out what the reasons were and they actually have been a surprise to me.

On a deeper level, the Morning Pages give me the chance to listen to myself. While I think I'm pretty good at that, I also am good at putting on the distracting earphones to keep myself from touching the parts of me that are sensitive or hurting. However, looking at those parts show me that they aren't that bad and I can dismantle them, replacing them with something new. Once fear is confronted, it morphs into something new. It usually also shows me I was making it into a bigger monster than it was.

Listening to what I really need has shown me that while I think I know what is best for me, if I don't go deeper, I won't get to the root of the problem and it will just keep coming up.

Morning Pages, Meditation, quiet time, whatever works for you - give yourself that time to build your relationship and listen to yourself. You may be surprised at what you find. No music, no distractions. Just you with YOU.

Let me know how listening to yourself goes for you. Email me at mary@spiritualitygirl.com

Enjoy the Silence

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 13:00:45 +0100

Sometimes we say things that may hurt each other. It may not be intentional but we feel the need to say what's on our mind at the given moment. Is it necessary to tell someone what we think about them or what they're doing, especially if they haven't asked?

There are times I have to bite my tongue because, even though I have an opinion, it's not my place to put my thoughts on someone else. It's not about me, it's about them and what they need.

Honesty is important but there comes a time when saying something will wound not heal. I'm not talking about saying something to help someone learn, I'm talking about "yeah, remember when you did that? It was a really bad/stupid/weird thing to do." or "Wow, I was so glad you broke up with that person. They were no good for you - I never liked them."

What does that accomplish? How does telling everyone every little thought we have about them, what we did, how we felt at that moment, help? When it's not uplifting to them, it might not be best to say it.

There are times when it's better to keep quiet. Yes, you could let someone know what you think. You have that power to form the words and tell them.

But before you do that, stop and think about what impact it's having. Is it healing? Is it hurting? Does it embarrass the person? Does it bring up back memories? Does it make you feel powerful over them?

Be supportive if you are going to say something. Think about what is to be said - can you reframe it into something positive? If not, sometimes, it's just better to enjoy the silence.

What do you think about enjoying the silence? Let me know - mary@spiritualitygirl.com

Forgiveness

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 12:58:30 +0100

I notice some of the most passionate comments I get are on quotes on forgiveness. The common theme is that it's hard to forgive others because the person hurt the commenter very bad. "There is no way I can forgive (my ex, my family, my boss, etc)."

This is completely understandable. How can we possibly forgive someone that has done incredible hurt to us? It seems counter-productive to what we should do, which is tear the person down and hurt them millions of times worse than they hurt us.

However, is forgiving a person letting them off the hook for creating damage? How can we give them compassion, caring or a positive feeling when they showed us none of the same?

Forgiveness doesn't let the person that hurt off the hook. It lets us, the hurtee, off the hook. It releases us from the bind that puts us with that person and all the feelings that go along with it.

In other words, when we continue to hold on to the incidents that changed us, they grow bigger, larger, stronger. It's giving power to that person to still have a hold over us. It can cause us to feel deep negative emotions, including hate. And that more than anything - the deep negative feelings we allow to grow - can change us into people we really don't want to be and truly aren't.

Consider that forgiveness is really for the person giving it. The person hurt doesn't even have to tell the person that hurt them they are forgiving them. Maybe it's as easy as writing a letter that is never mailed or silently offering forgiveness. It could be talking to the person that hurt us to figure out what happened. There are many ways to give forgiveness.

The purpose of forgiveness is for the person who receive the blow to let it go. It's another step in the healing process, which then brings more positive light to them.

This is also true if we need to forgive ourselves for hurts we have caused or mistakes we have made. If we continue to beat ourselves up for things we may have done or didn't do, those negative emotions are just as harmful.

I'm not suggesting this is an easy process. Maybe this will take several tries or maybe we can forgive for one piece but certainly not another. Whatever it takes, find a way to create that release for yourself. The wound will finally heal with time, and it will heal better if you chose not to carry the anger and all the other toxic emotions that go with it. We must allow ourselves the freedom to let go and move forward so we can find peace and happiness.

Forgiveness is a very powerful tool that can change lives. It can heal, provide love, releasing of negativity and also teach a lesson. Find it in the heart to forgive and watch lives change.

How do you feel about forgiveness? Drop me a line at mary@spiritualitygirl.com.

Strength

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 12:56:57 +0100

Strength. It's an interesting word. Sometimes when I hear this word, it conjures up the image of a body builder who can lift practically anything. There is also another kind of strength and I think this is the one that is harder to find but stronger than the best bodybuilder.

It's the strength we have inside of us to handle situations that come our way. We never know what we are capable of until we are faced with it but we surprise ourselves with the will to tackle what we need to handle, no matter how tough it is. Sometimes it's for a few days, sometimes it can stretch for years. However, we manage to get up and face the day saying "I can do this."

Spirit gives us all the tools we need. We just need to use them when needed. We don’t need to look outside necessarily, we already have amazing tools within us. What's really amazing is that we get our own special custom made tools because each of us and our experiences are unique. This is why we have to be careful of comparing ourselves to others. There really is no comparison, even if the situations are the same. We can empathize, sympathize, support and speak about our experiences but at the end of the day, each situation will be reacted to in unique ways and totally specific to that person.

We have more resources than we realize. We have great problem solving skills, strength, courage, humor and intelligence to walk through the fire. And if we don't have all we need, we are smart enough to ask for help. If we truly honor who we are and the gut feelings we have (our intuition), we'll be able to handle the challenges. It's not easy or simple but it is possible to see the right road to follow. Sometimes it's a case of just seeing what's right in front of us and taking action on it.

We have to stop being hard on ourselves and falling under the weight of the world. Every day, when we pick ourselves up and fight, we say "I have the strength to keep going. I have the strength to handle this. I have the strength to handle anything." Now, truly believe that. If we tell ourselves this every day, we'll get even stronger. Watch what we can lift now!

Let me know about how you stay strong. Drop me a line at mary@spiritualitygirl.com.

Turn Up The Positive Volume

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 12:54:56 +0100

As I was talking to a friend the other night, she seemed to be going through a hard time. She was saying all kinds of negative things about herself. I said to her, "There are plenty of people in line ready to beat you up - why do you want to be at the front of the line?"

When we go throughout our day, we do all kinds of things. We get ready to leave the house, we design projects, we interact with all kinds of people, we do work, we drop the ball, we praise, we hurt - it's endless.

If you paid attention as you went throughout your day, you may notice how you are speaking to yourself. Sometimes, I bet you can be pretty mean. There are words you say to yourself but probably wouldn't say to anyone else.

It's time to turn that negative volume down. Imagine a volume knob and when you are saying something negative to yourself, turn the volume down. Then, imagine the volume to the positive self-talk. Turn up that volume. Replace the negative words with positive words. You are human, you make mistakes. Cut yourself some slack and be gentle with yourself.

We have anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day. What percentage is positive in your mind? It's important to make the majority of those thoughts positive, uplifting, strong, confident thoughts. The impact these thoughts can make on you is incredible - nothing will be able to stop you.

You have the power to turn up the powerful positive words in your mind. The more you are supportive of yourself, the more others will be. Your confidence will grow and you will truly shine!

How is your inner positive talk going? Drop me a line at mary@spiritualitygirl.com.

Where did my creativity go?

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 05:20:56 +0100

I did a reading the other night for one of my regular clients. She is a talented, smart and beautiful woman with the usual questions. There was one, at the end, I don't usually hear.

She said, "Mar, my creativity is totally dead. What can I do to get it back?"

I gave her some suggestions that Spirit gave to me and then I also said, "You need to be inspired. You need to do something that will touch your soul and make you smile."

This happens to me every once in a while. I get writer’s block. I hate it. I feel like I'm racking my brain for something - ANYTHING - to fall out so I can get that innovative spark back again. I decided to do something that has probably been around for ages but I discovered worked for me.

I made a list of things that I love to do but usually would fall of my daily list because of time or resources. The reason why I create a list is to give myself options in case the first thing on the list doesn't jump out at me.

My list includes things like taking pictures, writing poetry, painting, designing altars, and walking out in nature, just to name a few things. When I need inspiration I pick something off the list and I carve out time to do one of these things, even if it is for an hour.

By doing one of the things on the list that inspire me, those creative ideas come popping out of my brain much easier.

This is why it works - we have two parts to the mind: the conscious and the subconscious mind. The conscious is where our daily thoughts and activities sit. For example, right now your conscious mind is engaged reading this article. As we go throughout our day, we judge what comes up in front of us with the conscious mind. For example, "Do I need to pick up the dry cleaning? Oh yeah, I do" or "My phone is ringing, do I want to answer it? Maybe not." It processes everything that is presented to us in our waking hours.

The subconscious mind houses our beliefs, morals, memories, dreams, imagination and creative mind. Sometimes, imagination gets stifled if we're living very much in our conscious mind during our waking hours. The inspiration exercise/activity will unlock the creativity from the subconscious and it will flow into our conscious mind.

The conscious mind can then helps us to put structure around the inspiration creativity, if needed, so it can flow more often. It may be creating a schedule to dedicate time to our inspired activities or setting goals to move those creative projects forward.

Having your creativity engaged during the day can help you with a couple of other places, such as problem solving and project management. For example, if you have 10 different things on your to do list but you're not sure how to get it all done, engaging the creative part of your mind will give you different ideas to get it done. It may also help you edit the list down so maybe you don't have to do everything all in one day. You can be creative, resourceful and practical!

So if you're blocked, try one of those inspirational activities or exercises off the list you make and see what it does for your creativity. Let me know how it goes - mary@spiritualitygirl.com.

Don't Worry?

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 05:08:24 +0100

One of the most common phrases I say during a reading is "Don't worry."

Then I get the look. A look that usually says "Are you kidding me?"

I know it's easy to say that phrase. Because at that point, I'm not in that situation to worry about it. It's also a pretty easy phrase to throw out there, almost as easy as "Good Morning".

Instead of worrying, what if we transformed worry into something different? What if it turns into something much more positive? Is it possible?

While I know worry is natural for us, it may not be the best way to handle the unknown. Because really, isn't worry trying to anticipate what the future will bring? Usually that worry makes us think of the worst case scenarios. The worry, all the thoughts and scenarios that come with it, gets bounced around in our mind over and over again. It prevents sleep, it makes us nervous, it rattles our every thought, making us believe we have - at the most - limited control of what's happening.

Worry clouds our judgment. It springs us into a desperate place to try and grab some control. If we can put worry in its place, we can analyze the situation with clearer eyes.

This may be that every negative thought needs to be countered with a positive one. It's a dialogue of balance between the two. It doesn't mean being so positive that we're unrealistic. It actually is an exercise of analyzing those feelings and asking if they are real. If we are too emotionally invested to answer with the positive, imagine those thoughts as a third person talking and the response has to be positive. It's imperative we are the positive because those positive thoughts need to come from us so we get inspired and generate courage from within.

This exercise will root out those thoughts that are real, those thoughts that are possible and those thoughts that are completely unrealistic or tinged by too much worry.

Practicing this transformational exercise brings back strength and a sense of having a say in what happens. While we can't necessarily control the situation, we can control thoughts, actions and reactions to the situation. Being empowered to create and own the control gives us the strength to look it and tackle it differently. We might even get excited at the possibilities!

There is nothing like handling a situation from a place of power. Manage that worry and we manage or even create our place in the situation. It is a skill that may take awhile to get comfortable with but the more we practice, the stronger we'll be and the worry won't have a place anymore. That worry now turns into personal triumph.

Making this shift can be an amazing experience. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you - mary@spiritualitygirl.com

The Hermit Times

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 20:47:23 +0100

This time of year usually makes me miss summer and the longer days. I look forward to the Winter Solstice for us to gain a minute of light everyday. With the sun setting around 4:30 in the afternoon and our nights getting longer, I think about how the darkness can affect us. And by darkness, I don't mean anything that is evil or sinister. It is actually an opportunity to look at things differently because our sight and reactions must be different when the stillness arrives.

There is a calm in the darkness. While there is still hustle and bustle, there is a certain amount of unknown without the light. We can only see so far and have to take things a little slower than we usually would. It's an adjustment for us. We need to adapt to new settings.

If you've ever seen a tarot deck, there is a card that illustrates this point perfectly. It is the Major Arcana card "The Hermit". Here is a picture of it:

The Hermit is on a journey but he can only see as far as the light he holds shows him. Not all the information is clear or illuminated. The Hermit has to rely on his own thoughts and feelings as he takes this journey. It may be slow traveling but it is worth the effort.

While we are faced with those times of quiet and not being able to see as well as we usually do, it's a time to delve into the darkness and discover. It doesn't need a lot of action - it actually can be very quiet reflections or meditation to understand what's going on within. Each step can be a learning experience; we just can't rush it. We must step with purpose and intention so we don't miss anything.

Take the stillness as an opportunity. The light will come back stronger than ever if we take time to explore and appreciate the darkness and stillness around us. Move with purpose and explore. The discovery will be worth it. Be the Hermit for a little while - watch your growth back into the light times.

Remember, the darkness only lasts for so long. As the Wheel of the Year turns, we are able to experience the balance of the seasons, including longer light times and longer dark times. Adapting to each season gives us the knowledge and courage to thrive no matter whether the light rules or the darkness rules. Be the Hermit for a little while - the growth and experience will be worth it.

The Ripples of Our Decisions

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 03:45:36 +0100

One of my favorite movies is "Wanted" starring Angelina Jolie. It's an action movie, very heavy on the action aspects. It shows the transformation of one character, Wesley, as his life gets turned upside down when he learns, and ultimately embraces, who he truly is.

There is a line from that movie that always sticks with me. In explaining why Fox (Angelina Jolie) joins "The Fraternity" of Assassins, she says to Wesley, "We don't know how far the ripples of our decisions go."

We think that all we do only affects us, our lives, and the people within our circle. As we touch and interact with others, those experiences are carried forward and impact many other people, including people we don't even know. Those mutual experiences can create lasting imprints on people within so many different levels; levels we may not truly realize.

When I do readings for people and bring them information through the Tarot, Psychic impressions or Mediumship (speaking with their Ancestors), it changes both of us. I get a chance to connect with someone so deeply; I know it brings me to a new appreciation of him or her and the struggles faced. I find many people are dealing with so many diverse aspects of life and their courage and strength amazes me. I hope in return I am able to bring them knowledge, change, healing and peace. Somehow this sacred interaction happens in a short period of time, usually within 30 minutes! Our decisions on how we handle situations and our interactions with each other, can take place as quickly as in a moment.

If we consider the idea that we are all somehow connected - that our spirits and souls are intertwined on some level - what we decide to do will leave an imprint on the all, also known as the collective. As one of my spiritual teachers used to say, it's like we are a candle, lighting another one's candle. They in turn light someone else's candle and so on. One flame, our light, creates light in others, whether or not we directly lit that person's candle. We have the potential to illuminate or extinguish someone's light; it's a big responsibility and opportunity to evaluate our own daily actions.

Today, in your travels, think about how what you do brings the light to others. Holding a door for someone, smiling to a stranger on the street, offering a helpful hand or even sending a text can mean the world to someone. Remember, what we think are small things can really add up to big things for others.