Yesterday, I talked about one of the Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Four Agreements" -"Don't Take Anything Personally". We looked at how sometimes what someone does hits us in the heart, even though it's not really about us. It's about their story. The next of "The Four Agreements" I'd like to talk about is "Don't Make Assumptions".
How many times have we been in a situation where we've said "I know that's why that person acted that way. It was because they were upset at me."? We take these situations we get in and dissect them to pieces, filling in the blanks for the other person - their motives, their thoughts, everything they did and said.
The problem with this is that, frankly, we could just be wrong. Sure, there are times we make assumptions that we get it absolutely right. But what if we're wrong? By making these assumptions and not really getting to the truth, it can cause damage that doesn't have to be caused.
We make assumptions based on our own experiences and ideas. Sometimes these assumptions come from emotional places that can skew our rational thinking. We can take a situation and spin and spin and spin it until we're finally dizzy from it all.
So how do we avoid assumptions? One way is to just ask the person. Open a dialogue to find out why someone reacted the way they did or did something a certain way. We may find out that the reasoning is something that we would have never considered. Also, we could find that we bring some healing to the situation because they may have assumed something about us too.
Another other way is to ask ourselves why we are making these assumptions. Are we hurt? Are we angry? Are we trying to strategize our next move? This may make the issue even more sensitive but it may help us understand why we are trying to fill in the blanks. By doing this, it could bring new information to stop us from making that assumption.
To put a positive spin on the "Don't Make Assumptions" idea, we could say instead to "Keep an open mind". If we clear ourselves of filling in the blanks, it would make us calmer to ask and understand what happened. Life is always going to surprise us as to how things are so if our mind is open, we could see and experience things much differently than we do now. We could find our own reaction to even surprise us!
Everyone has their own reasoning why they do things. There are a million reasons and motives as to why things happen. It's personal to each person. Sometimes, people are carrying things that we know nothing about that creates the motive. In other words, how can we be judge and jury? We wouldn't want someone to do that to us either.
So don't make assumptions. Keep an open mind. Find out what the motivation was, or, if you choose not to, then don't take it personally. The more that you don't get caught up in the drama, the easier it will be to heal and move past situations that aren't perfect.
In : Articles
Tags: "don miguel ruiz" "mary d'alba" "don't make assumptions" "the four agreements" assumptions "open mind" healing
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