Posted by Mary D'Alba on Sunday, January 27, 2013 Under: Articles

I notice some of the most passionate comments I get are on quotes on forgiveness.  The common theme is that it's hard to forgive others because the person hurt the commenter very bad.  "There is no way I can forgive (my ex, my family, my boss, etc)."


This is completely understandable.  How can we possibly forgive someone that has done incredible hurt to us?   It seems counter-productive to what we should do, which is tear the person down and hurt them millions of times worse than they hurt us.


However, is forgiving a person letting them off the hook for creating damage?   How can we give them compassion, caring or a positive feeling when they showed us none of the same?


Forgiveness doesn't let the person that hurt off the hook.  It lets us, the hurtee, off the hook.  It releases us from the bind that puts us with that person and all the feelings that go along with it. 


In other words, when we continue to hold on to the incidents that changed us, they grow bigger, larger, stronger.  It's giving power to that person to still have a hold over us.  It can cause us to feel deep negative emotions, including hate.  And that more than anything - the deep negative feelings we allow to grow - can change us into people we really don't want to be and truly aren't.


Consider that forgiveness is really for the person giving it.  The person hurt doesn't even have to tell the person that hurt them they are forgiving them.  Maybe it's as easy as writing a letter that is never mailed or silently offering forgiveness.  It could be talking to the person that hurt us to figure out what happened.  There are many ways to give forgiveness.


The purpose of forgiveness is for the person who receive the blow to let it go.  It's another step in the healing process, which then brings more positive light to them. 


This is also true if we need to forgive ourselves for hurts we have caused or mistakes we have made.  If we continue to beat ourselves up for things we may have done or didn't do, those negative emotions are just as harmful.


I'm not suggesting this is an easy process.  Maybe this will take several tries or maybe we can forgive for one piece but certainly not another.  Whatever it takes, find a way to create that release for yourself.  The wound will finally heal with time, and it will heal better if you chose not to carry the anger and all the other toxic emotions that go with it.  We must allow ourselves the freedom to let go and move forward so we can find peace and happiness.


Forgiveness is a very powerful tool that can change lives.  It can heal, provide love, releasing of negativity and also teach a lesson.  Find it in the heart to forgive and watch lives change.


How do you feel about forgiveness?  Drop me a line at


~Copyright 2013, Mary D'Alba (Spiritualitygirl)~


In : Articles 

Tags: spiritualitygirl  "mary d'alba"  spiritual  spirituality  forgiveness  healing 
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